Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
