# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
