Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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