Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dignity is for republicans.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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