note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
