I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
