I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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