I heard we made out
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
