A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
