so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
