Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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