listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
