I love black thongs
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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