I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
