OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
