I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize