I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize