I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
