Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize