my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
