alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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