I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
