Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
