You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
