someone threw a dead crab at me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
