Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
