Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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