so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
