no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
