In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
