No stitches, just platelets and will power
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
