Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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