Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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