He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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