this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
