I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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