I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
