Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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