Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize