i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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