after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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