whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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