If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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