I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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