can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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