I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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