dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
