So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
