she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
