I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
