I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
