I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
