just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize