booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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