Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
