We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I want to be your penis for a week.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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