Do you still have your period?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
