LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
