He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
