shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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