I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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