not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize