I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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