I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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