Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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