He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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