if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize