I cockslap morals
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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