Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
