I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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