I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
