went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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