I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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