She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
