how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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