My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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