do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
