So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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