I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
