i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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