I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
