I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize