no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Never underestimate the power of titties
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
