I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell her she can't have a vagina
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
