Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
