If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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