This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
