I wish I could teleport
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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