I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
