My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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