but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
