Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
