Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
