p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
