I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
