3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
