Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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