can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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