I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
