The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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