Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
