the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it hurts more in the daytime
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
