Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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