I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
