It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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