Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
