Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
