so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
